Should a relationship complete us or complement us?
“I love you! You complete me!” This was famously said by Tom Cruise’ character Jerry McGuire. It has since been used countless times in popular culture.
“I will be complete once I have a boyfriend!” That was my notion as a young romantic. My mental image of a relationship was a girl whose heart and being were not full, and only another person can fill it. It was a romantic picture of love!
I held on to that thought when I had my first serious relationship. I felt then that I agreed to whatever he would like for me or for us. My choices of food, my hair, and activities, among others depended on what he wanted for me. It’s love, or so I thought.
When we broke up, I realized that my world revolved around him. With the painful breakup and depleted self-esteem, I came to a self-confrontation phase, asking if a person can really complete me. I asked, “Is it true that he is my missing piece? If he leaves, what happens to him completing me? What happens to the empty part of my ‘self’?”
During that painful soul-searching period, I turned to the Lord for comfort and healing. One important thing that He said was “I should be complete in myself because His love is complete! My being will never be dependent on any person.” I prayed that whoever my partner-in-life be, I will not let him take away the essence of who I am as a person, even if he will be my future spouse. It’s a deliberate decision. God inspired me to hold on to this and believe that I am accountable to Him for the person I would become.
The belief that you complete me sounds too good to be true. God made us beautiful. That individual beauty and completeness should be expected from us and the person we will be in a relationship with. This is the only way to give each other the best of us and complement our strengths and weaknesses as beings.
In the process of waiting, it is a must to do a self-check on our intentions in wanting a relationship. Is it to fill the need to be needed? Do you want to be accepted by peers if you have a significant other? Do you want to fulfill unresolved issues of affection from your own family?
No matter where you are coming from, finding your one true love might just not be the answer. A person who gets into the relationship with the hope of the other person filling the empty parts later becomes, “enmeshed” with the partner. There is almost no distinction on his or her “sense of self” as it becomes entangled with the partner. If we lack awareness about our inner motives to have a relationship, we can allow ourselves to be literally “swept off our feet” by this “special” person. This is the root of many relationship issues both of premarital and married couples.