No matter what life stage your family’s in or it’s running, there are always things you can improve on.
What areas are doing well? Which ones aren’t? What works and what doesn’t?
Aside from physical issues like finances and schedules, it is a must for families to work on emotions and relationships. These are issues that many take for granted. Most think that once they have it running, it will work on auto-pilot mode.
A wife and husband of 20 years each feel they do not know the other anymore. They get so engrossed with work and parenting duties that they don’t have time to enrich their marriage.
A mother who is so busy juggling business and family feels that her pre-teen child seems to be pushing her away and no longer needs her. The child keeps to himself in the room, and does not want to join family affairs. The mom says, “I feel that I no longer know my child.”
A single young professional does not want to stay at home. He finds it too noisy. He feels no one is actually speaking with each other. The only time they talk is when they have to eat or when they have to pay the bills.
Where are you in your family life? Are you still single? Are you newly married? Are you raising children? Are your kids grown up and leading their own lives?
No matter what state we’re in, there is always a need to review and re-assess our family life. There will always be something to work on. Perfection is an illusion. As we go through life, there are many matters and circumstances beyond our control. The only thing we can control and do something about is our attitude and how we relate with the people we love. This becomes their own building block on how they can cope and glide through the many challenges and changes we will confront in life.
We may have family goals that we have set. Yet, as we scrutinize the tiny details of our family life, are the areas in our life aligned with what we aim in our families? Are our goals realistic, workable, and relevant to all members?
Here are some important areas in the family that you may include in your family goals:
#1 Emotional bonding. Bonding is more than physical togetherness. It is talking about each other’s lives without fear of judgement. As each family member pursues separate lives and individual pursuits, they must deliberately spend time with one another.
#2 Crucial communication. It is not enough that you are merely talking. You must be discussing issues with breadth and depth. Crucial communication is being able to talk about ideas, issues, and feelings about different matters and about the family relationship. Each family should improve on the depth of their communication, as it is what will bind them during crisis and changes.
#3 Play and well-being. Are you surprised to see play here? Play and well-being stands for the family’s light moments, where they take time to enjoy the gift of each other’s presence. It maybe enjoying a card game, pursuing a sport, or indulging in a hobby together. That play and well-being time is the deliberate chance for you to be together and enrich healthy relationships.
There is no need to aim for perfection. Instead, work through the small details in your family. The only way for something to improve is to take small deliberate steps. This is the best way to work on your family goals: from good to better, or better to best!
The article first appeared in Family Reborn December 2016, but has since been updated.