Young readers, this article may strike you as something your parents need to read, but you should read it, too. What’s written here is the very same thing you wish you can tell your parents—but are afraid to.
So let’s make a deal: Read the article until the end and then ask your parents to read it. They will surely learn a thing or two about you.
“Don’t compare me with anyone!”
Well-meaning adults compare their teens with other siblings or cousins or even with themselves. Somehow, comparing individuals has become part of our culture. And this hits us to the core of our being!
Each of us is uniquely created by God. Comparing is actually hitting that innate goodness and uniqueness we possess. No one wants to be compared with another. No one deserves to be in the shadow of anyone. We need to let go of comparisons, and accept and respect the unique person that we are, and the gift of being part of our family. Relationships thrive well with the unconditional acceptance and love we give to our loved ones, despite their strengths, limitations, and everything else in between.
“Just listen to me!”
Many teens feels that their parents do not really listen to them. Parents ask teens how their day was, but are just content with the answer, “Oh, it’s okay!” But there is more to being okay. Some teens cannot open up to their parents. “Miss, when we start sharing something about us to them, they comment and say something right away! They do not really listen!” “We feel judged and unimportant, as if what we say do not really matter!” Sounds familiar?
We should listen with our ears and our heart. We should listen intently to what the other person is sharing with us. They are not only sharing their thoughts but their very selves. Let us listen not only to what they say but also to what they do not say. Let us be silent and listen without judgment or comment, and allow them to be themselves. This is the way we connect with the people we love. Park your thought bubbles and just listen.
“They should treat each other right.”
Parents think that what kids don’t know won’t hurt them. “They would not tell us that they are fighting, but we know they are!” “They thought we do not know, but somehow we know their marriage is not good!” My students tell me all these. One time, I required my students to write about a family issue and apply some theories we discussed in class. Many of their issues are due to their fathers’ infidelity or parents with mental problems.
When the marriage is on the rocks, parents hide their marital issues from their kids. They raise their kids to be smart, honest, and trusting so they will know when something is wrong at home. As much as parents want to protect their kids, they are not protecting them with dishonesty and betrayal of their trust. They hurt their teens more by hiding the truth from them.
The best foundation of the family is a great marriage. No matter how imperfect the marriage is, it needs a lot of hard work, listening, acceptance, and nourishing. If it fails, dear parents, share with teens about your relationship problem. Tell them that it is not their fault, and that your love for them does not change.
Tune in to what teens say and witness the rebirth of your family.
This article originally appeared in Fish Magazine, but has since been updated.