When I asked wives about what they wish they could tell their husbands, they naturally expressed their longing, and they did so with much certainty and confidence. However, when I asked husbands the same question, I got stumped. I did not get any answers. I thought I would get something out of my husband, but he just responded with a shrug and a don’t-look-at-me look!

Come to think of it, this kind of reaction from the male species should not surprise me anymore. It only magnifies the differences between men and women in terms of their needs and their manner of expressing themselves. While women are so comfortable in expressing their feelings, men lack adeptness in their emotionality and seem to have difficulty labeling their needs.

While wives can speak of feelings, men prefer discussing the facts.

Based on these, and since the men I asked clammed up, we can only guess that these are probably what they wish to tell their partners:

#1 Straight to the point, please!

“I thought you were telling me about your trip the grocery, what does that have to do with the doctor’s schedule?”

Women discuss their lives like it was a salad everything is tossed together in a bowl. One minute she’s talking about one topic, and before you know it, she has moved on to the next without putting a period to her statements. A woman’s ability to multi-task may be partly to blame why they ramble on and unload these thoughts altogether. Men can get frustrated when listening to this hodgepodge, since men’s thoughts, unlike the woman’s salad, are like a compartmentalized Japanese bento box.

#2 Do you need to shop so often?

When shopping or out on errands, wives would usually go to (many) side trips before they actually do what they came to do. It remains a puzzle to men what takes their wives so long on a shopping trip, or haven’t you noticed their faces while waiting on couches at ladies’ boutiques and salons? To women, this may seem like a trivial matter, yet this tendency of women to do or say one thing and sweep through other matters often causes conflict between partners. Wives need to consider what their husbands will feel, not only in shopping but in other areas of their life as a couple as well.

#3 I appreciate it when you dress up!

It i a challenge for a wife to care for her kids, have a career and manage a home, thus sometimes her own needs –  and a bit of vanity – is at the bottom of her list of priorities. However, a woman who makes time to look good reflects a person who loves herself and values her spouse’s pride! Dressing up simply and decently will bring out your beauty and remind your husband what attracted him to you in the first place.

#4 I prefer not to talk about it

Women are confrontational by nature and can become too emotionally involved. Men prefer to withdraw and attempt to solve things on their own. John Grey, PhD, in his breakthrough book, Men are from Mars, Women are from Venue, identified the biggest difference between men and women in their way of coping with stress. He pointed out, “Men feel better by solving problems while women feel better by talking about problems.” Thus, conflict arises when wives demand that their husbands talk about his problems when all they want to do is to be by themselves and hide in their caves.

#5 The kids may need you, but I need you too

After a long and tiring day, men long to go home to a welcoming household instead of a litany of rants. They long to spend some intimate moments with the wife after the kids and household chores have been attended to. Men, as husbands, naturally need affection and long to be sexually intimate with their wives. It may be by spending time together over a late night show, giving each other back rubs or being sexually connected. The bottom line is, men long to be with their wives. Their need for both physical and emotional connection is strong and needs to be addressed.

It is a challenge for husbands and wives to be aware of the innate differences between genders on top of their personality traits. However, the worst thing one can do is to expect or try to change the other person to fit the other’s liking. In any relationship, acceptance of the other person is needed and partners must agree on what will work for both of them.

This article has been updated. It first appeared in the Smart Parenting website, June 2011.