What is a crush? This is a favorite question in slam books back when I was growing up.
How do you define it? Crush is an attraction to someone for a special trait or a particular reason. It is not love. But the feeling “of being fond of someone” gives us that feel-good sense about our crush. It can also lead to infatuation, which is an extreme fondness or likeness for someone despite not knowing the person on a personal level.
Attraction is inherent in our system. How did you react to it when you were younger and as a parent now?
Through a Child’s Eyes
When my son, Migo, was in Grade I, he shared how one of his boy classmates would talk about his crushes. So I asked him, “For you, what do you mean by crush?” Migo replied, “Crush is like having a sweetheart!” The term “sweetheart” is synonymous to “boyfriend” or “girlfriend.”
“Actually, Migo, crush is not having a sweetheart. It is simply admitting to liking a person because of a trait he or she has,“ I told him. He nodded and thoughtfully asked, “Like what trait, Mom?”
I continued, “For example, you admire someone because she is pretty or she can sing well. It is liking the person for a particular reason.”
At that moment, I wanted to record what Migo was saying. I loved how our conversation unfolded. It was the entry point and the groundwork for “relationship talks.”
It may seem simple but it’s an important moment – understanding how he sees the world and having a healthy conversation on a sensitive topic.
The Parent’s Role
The concept of having a crush evolves from young preschoolers to curious little graders, until they reach the stage of puberty when they actually feel entitled to it.
While having a crush is part of growing up, parents should guide their kids in refining their definition of crush and managing their attractions and emotions on this new territory. Mismanaged emotions and crushes may lead to infatuation or even limit the child’s capacity to enjoy the stage he or she is in at the moment.
Here are the basic points you can cover when talking to your child about this crushes:
- Check your own insights and concepts of crush. Do not separate it from relationship values.
- Be age-appropriate in your language. Know that preschoolers are acting out of curiosity and young kids are after knowledge. Use language and insights that they would understand.
- Ask questions. Look at things from the child’s point of view. Process the child’s insights.
- Be the “askable” parent. Let the teasing not come from you. Instead, be the child’s mentor on relationship. Respond. Don’t react.
- Understand that this is a lifelong process. Relationship education is not a one-shot deal. It goes and grows in intricacy as the child grows older.
We all want to be the person our children go to for these kinds of information. Internet and social media expose and condition our kids to the worldly meaning of love. So we must do our part in educating them about the proper concepts of relationships.
It all starts with that thing called “crush.”