Amidst the demands of life, work and home management, plus the health and emotional crisis we went through, I am grateful for fulfilling my role as a mom to my two kids.
I believe that we are in such a fun and exciting stage in our family life – Migo at 8, and Maia at 5 while Koots and I are in our sweet 30some. My kids are both active and inquisitive. Questions and queries are piling up. New insights are unfolding. As they grow, we try our mighty best to develop our relationship with them!
When my face seems to be tense and tired, my sweet 5-year old would hug me and say, “Smile Mom, here’s a happy hug for you!” Or when I am racking my brains about work matters, my good old 8-year old boy would crack a funny joke or ask some mind-boggling question. These are tuning-in moments to let me lighten up and focus on them.
What is it for me?
That statement is a call to take time, pause, and allocate time some days a week so I can be home. The so-called flexible work schedule, may mean piling up my schedule when I see some slots not filled up. And so the usual question of the kids are, “Where will you be today, Mom?” Some weekdays are college teaching days, others are counseling work days, others are for ‘talks’ and some are for meetings and writings.
When I opt to just write and stay home, the kids will chant, “Yey, we have a mommy today!” I thought, as if they do not have a mom every day! Despite just being at our table working, my little ones prefer seeing me there at home – in the flesh. “Even if you are working and doing something in your laptop, just be there, Mom!” said Maia.
It can be really distracting for me to do ‘thinking’ work at home. There are just too many things going on around me – the kids, the clutter, the meal plans, homework and just about a gazillion tiny details that can creep up. Topping off the distractions are, “Mommy,” “Mom” “You know, mom…” moments and a constant dose of hugs & kisses.
Yes, they can be demanding and a source of distraction! I have my share of bumps and boo-boos as a mom, along with theirs. Yet, I only have one shot at parenting! And I realized and grateful that at this stage in my children’s lives – I am able to see them, and learn with them and from them as they grow learn about life.
How does it affect me?
Having a ‘we-have-a-mom-today’ is working on my relationship and my presence in my children’s lives.
Migo made me reflect on our rules and the roles I play, through his behavior, the questions he asked and the negotiations we have. He helped me be humble to recognize my mistakes and say “sorry” if need to be. He asks questions about how the world, his possible college course, and asks about romance and relationships. I am called to just be there to listen. I am grateful that he turns to me, despite not bearing all the answers.
Maia has the sweetness and the wit that can unarm a tough parent. She is often brimming with glee and lets me lighten up. When with her, I can connect with my creative side to enjoy crafts, papers & pens. She let me be child-like again so we can play with her little ponies and dolls. She has a gift for noting my strong tone some days, and upfront in saying, “I do not like your tone mom, change it please!” And she is like a barometer to be my sensitivity-check in mirroring my facial expression and emotions as she says, “Smile mom! Let’s play!”
What are my realizations and my growth-points?
My kids only go through being children once. And so no matter how life is and how much work I need to do, I deliberately have to be with them more.
I have to spend time at home amidst work – and find my way around doing work that can be done at home. They said, “Mom, we just want you there even if you’re working on your laptop!” Such reassurance!
My career set-up is a blessing! On the contrary, my kids’ statements are calls to efficiently work so I can give time for m two little people. Playing is fun, but I have to mindfully be present especially if there’s a mental list in my head. No matter how tempted I am on most days to just let them stay beside me while I work – I need to do something with, and not just for them!
I need to deliberately chat and play with Migo over card games or trivia. I must comb the hair of Maia’s Little Ponies and enjoy a cup of tea and slice of cake over tea parties. The mom in me – the one who intends to enjoy this stage in my kids’ lives, asks me to “be” and “engage” myself with them in meaningful pursuits.
Then again, no amount of expertise that I have or I may gain can surpass the kind of mom I am to them, and the kind of parenting I live out with them. In all the parenting work I do, my kids are the very reason why I study, hone my craft and do this work in and out of the home. They are the real life, interactive living books and working theories.
The meaning behind “we-have-a-mommy-today” is a call for my presence. For me to play. For me to chat more. To have unlimited hugs and kisses or comforts when they feel bad.
To the world, I may seem to be a parenting specialist, but to my kids I am their special parent! I am their one and only mom!
To the world I am a mom, yet to my kids – I am their world. And it may be for now, as their world would revolve differently later as they craft themselves to become their own persons!