Are we really mean, or well-meaning parents?
In using the gadgets among your kids, do you give them appropriate limits? Do you give in when they want to? Do you say NO, and allow them to cry when you refuse?
When this issue crops up, we say that we are mean mom and dad! Not because I co-authored a book on Growing Up Wired: Raising Pinoy Kids in the Digital Age (Anvil, 2013), but because early on in our parenting journey, we decided on the least TV rule! Author or not – these are the parenting principles we will set!
Michele with her digital kids at a forum of the Philippine Writers and Readers Festival (Raffles Makati, Aug. 28, 2016)
Call us, my husband Koots and I, “mean” parents! And it is okay! We give rules on gadgets and we mean it! We mean when we say, “go ahead and cry!” We mean it when we say “No,” when the kids are being too demanding! We are mean on our parenting beliefs cause we do not want to buy “peace” for the sake that our kids are happy and the home has no crying and whining! Yet peace comes with a price. I do not want my kids and home are peaceful, yet I am compromising some aspects like development, learning, and relationship that they are supposed to be experiencing in real life!
But such meanness is so needed to teach our kids to enjoy the real world, to go for active fun, to play, to create, to chat, to move, to fight then make up, to be grateful for the things around them, and to understand that gadget use are “privileges” and not their rights at the moment.
With such, the ‘privilege’ of of gadget use is actually a value of simplifying and enjoying real life. If kids feel gadget use is their right, we are planting the seeds of making them ‘entitled’ to anything they may want! The seeds of development – body, mind, emotions, relationships, moral and spiritual are growing and nurturing at this time with my two growing kids.
And so we choose to be mean, with well-meaning intention of giving them the best boost on how they are growing up. We love them so much and they are happy, bright and playful kids. We try to assess and mindfully gauge our parenting journey, as their needs and stages change. It will evolve as they grow older, but for now that they are in the formation stage, we are clear on the limits we give them.
And we believe it does not dampen the relationship we are building with them or the disposition of our kids. For now, we choose to be mean! Because gadgets cannot replace the God-given role we parents are playing in our children’s lives!
Quoting Pope Francis, “The wisdom of parents must guide their children in the digital age.” And it will not be any other way!