Emotional distancing may sound like a foreign concept but it is actually something most of us need. Emotional distancing is establishing healthy boundaries to support what is best not only for me but for you and me. Though we love our family members, it is normal to sometimes feel stressed, irritated, or annoyed by them. It is but human. No matter how much we love them, they sometimes get on our nerves. We sometimes feel that we are full of them. Hence, our relationships at home are something that we should strive to assess and balance.
To understand the concept of emotional distancing further, allow me to discuss some terms:
TOGETHERNESS
This is the fusion within the family. A close-knit family is a blessing. When we are too fused together, however, it becomes unhealthy. Togetherness does not guarantee happiness. Sometimes, togetherness can even be stressful.
SEPARATENESS
This is about individuality. This isn’t to say that our families should take the backseat in order for us to care for our personal wellness. We should recognize that we are formed by our families. Growing up, the reality is that we are influenced by different members of our family. Imagine the three people described below and try to decipher which one resembles you the most.
Person 1: This is someone who is formed by her family. Growing up, her decisions and actions are heavily influenced and anchored to those of her family members. When she becomes an adult, she becomes her family. Her entirety is consumed by her family. This is unhealthy as it can lead to loss of individuality.
Person 2: This is someone who is formed by her family. There will come a point, perhaps during her late high school years, where she learns to differentiate herself. She establishes a healthy individuality to make her own mistakes and make her own decisions, while adhering to the guidance of her family. This is the healthier process.
Person 3: This is someone who pushed for “full independence” to the point that she is only subtly influenced by her family. As an adult, she becomes easily influenced by the environment, namely friends, society, and even partners or individuals who she considers able to provide the love and support that should have been provided by the family. This is also unhealthy as it creates someone who is aloof or an “outsider” in her own home. This person is also most likely to cling to the opinions of the people outside her family.
The above examples will help you understand why different families have varying emotional climates. There are families that are tense so the members’ emotional undertone is also tense and anxious. Some families on the other hand are chill, more relaxed, and laid-back. There are also some families that feel indifferent as if they are all separate beings who happen to live under the same roof.
Think about this: “If we feel that we are no longer life-giving, and that our energy is depleted from our relationships, then there is a need to center by checking our balance and alignment.” This quote was lifted from my book, “Beauty in 40.” Thus, it is imperative for you to realize that no matter how much you love your family, you need to keep a healthy emotional distance. – WITH PAU DE VERA