What does the word toxic mean for you? This is a term that was previously only used in the medical field. For medical students, “I am toxic today” would translate to “I am loaded today” or “I have a lot to do today.” Unfortunately, the term has found its way into mainstream media and everyday language and is now used to describe something harmful or unhealthy. Describing something as toxic would mean that it is dangerous, lethal, or can inflict hurt. Toxic is not only physiological, it can also be psychological and relational.
Today, we will be looking into how the word toxic can apply to relationships like marriages, families-of-origin, or friendships.
Whether we like it or not, toxic can be energy-sucking. It’s not going to bring out the best in us; in fact, it can deplete us.
The pandemic has opened the opportunity for us to measure the people that we live with. Most of us can see ourselves as being “stuck” at home and allowed us to see unhealthy relationship patterns. The pandemic situation has magnified and highlighted the truth about our relationships and allowed us to gauge whether they’re toxic or healthy. We have to be aware of how toxic relationships affect our bodies. Bodily manifestations like high blood pressure, migraine, and chest pain may occur after encounters with toxic people. These concerns may even escalate to becoming mental health issues.
Let’s reflect on the signs of a toxic relationship. The scary reality is that some of us may not even be aware that we are in toxic relationships because these things have been so deeply inculcated in our system.
CRITICISM AND CONTEMPT
This can come in the form of name-calling and insults which even when disguised as a joke has the intention to put one down. There’s a difference between making fun with and making fun of. The former has the intent to laugh together without sharing anything below the belt. The latter is distasteful. Being domineering can also be toxic specially when paired with fault-finding. These individuals always have something negative to say. A sincere person will correct us in the tone of concern, confidentiality, and care.
AVOIDANCE
Temporarily disengaging from an argument is okay to allow individuals to cool down. What is not okay is the complete avoidance of the problem. Silence does not translate to peace or the absence of toxicity. The silent treatment becomes the toxic pattern. People who avoid do not only refuse to talk but also tend to deny issues. Recognition and resolution is a must. Another manifestation is pretending that all is well. We need to own uncomfortable situations and learn from them. Awareness, acceptance, and action are crucial as they lead to accountability.
DROWNING IN NEGATIVITY
Here, there is a sense of emotional bankruptcy and physical exhaustion. It is feeling tired even when at home. This happens when negative tone and energy are more apparent and felt compared to positive ones in the family. This is even when one tries to pursue positive changes but the environment is unstable. There is also the feeling of hopelessness and helplessness.
Now that you know the three things that make relationships toxic, it’s time for you to either improve the dynamics or get out of the system, if necessary. Do something about it. Life is short; create one that you like. – WITH PAU DE VERA