I am a mom of three girls, aged 3, 7, and 10. My concern is about my middle child who was diagnosed with autism spectrum disorder when she was three years old. My husband and I are both working, and it’s my mother, now 60 years old, who is taking care of my two youngest children. We have a helper who does the household chores. But I pity my mom when I see her exhausted at the end of the day due to running after and attending to my kids, especially the one with special needs.
I have been contemplating on resigning from my job so I could attend to my daughter’s special needs. However, my husband’s income will not be enough to sustain our young family, considering that my daughter has regular therapy sessions.
Would you mind enlightening me if I have other options?
Thank you.
Bella
Dear Bella,
I feel your struggle given your situation. It is an extra challenge to have a child with special needs. But the good news is, it can be managed. I invite you to set your goals for your family and consider what is best for everyone—your children, your mom, and your marriage. If you have defined them, bring in your husband to the picture because you both need to work on this.
I have encountered many parents who have a case like yours. They are not that affluent, and they have challenges as years pass. But what I noted to be very good among the ones who are able to successfully raise their child with ASD is that they have an open mindset and they have the heart and the intent to help their child.
First things first. Have you accepted your child’s condition—that it is a lifelong condition and that there is no cure for it? Yes, that is how it is. It can be managed, though, and the end goal is to raise your child with basic life skills that will help them “function” in this world despite their limitations. Know that how it is for your other children will be different for her.
Next is your desire for your mother. Honestly, you have to remove the load of caring for your kids from your aging mother, as these duties may be way too much for her to handle. You want her healthy and happy also, and so being proactive in assisting your mom in her well-being will lessen the burden later for you as she gets older.
The bigger question is, should you leave your work? Considering your situation and your daughter’s condition, the answer is a clear yes. Leaving work does not mean you do not keep an income stream and you will not use your talents and gifts to earn something. You need to repackage your calling and motherly mission at this point. I have seen how some parents leave a full-time career to help in intervening for their child with special needs. Some of them have small businesses, some have consulting work, others have online jobs, and some teach part time.
At first, it will be a tight squeeze in the budget. So this is a challenge for you and your husband to adjust the needed finances for everyone’s benefit. You may opt for a less expensive school for your older daughter. Or you may also try to study online on how to help with your daughter with ASM to intervene for her condition in order to complement the therapy she is taking.
I do not know about your interest and profession, yet I believe that there is something you can do to earn and pursue an out-of-the box career, while keeping a flexible time to help your family, especially your children. While I personally am not in exactly the same situation as yours, I have reached the same point of giving up my career in order to attend to my two kids when they were little. At home, I still keep a few consulting and writing jobs that not only give me extra income, but boosted me to hone my craft and my worth. I never felt that motherhood took my time and my career from me.
I pray that you find your bigger calling—and a sense of direction for yourself and your family. Use your gifts to bless your child, your family, and others.
This article first appeared in Family Reborn September 2017, but has since been updated.