A family is a melting pot of different personalities. While family members share the same last name among a multitude of other similarities, there will always exist some key personalities that make some members stand out. Let’s get to know them.
The Different. This person is often dubbed as the “weird one,” the odd man out, the one who does not seem to fit in. This person’s interests tend to gravitate away from that of the other family members’ making him stand out.
The Difficult. This person tends to be stubborn and has difficulty following norms and practices around the house. Getting along with this person may be considered a challenging feat. Sometimes, the elderly or senior citizens are considered difficult ones because they are insistent on their beliefs. What we fail to recognize is that one of the reasons why they are like so is because their routines were disrupted due to the quarantine. So it is very important not to strip away our elders from their purpose and to not wreck too much havoc into their well established routines.
The Deadma. This is a Filipino term used to describe someone who has a “come what may” attitude. They seem not to care about anything. They are also not the type to voice out their thoughts and feelings.
The Distant. They are the ones who seem aloof and detached from the family. They tend to keep to themselves and tend not to mingle with the rest of the family.
The Demanding. This is the bossy family member who is unwilling to compromise. This person tends to demand to get things done in her own way and preferred schedule. Not abiding with the wants of this person can spark conflict.
The Dysfunctional. This person is sometimes difficult to pinpoint as most of the time he often appears okay. In fact, he can even be the achiever in the family. But this person has difficulty taking responsibility for the way he feels, thinks, and acts. This person is also most likely to be involved in a toxic or co-dependent relationship as he finds it difficult to differentiate his perceptions, feelings, and thoughts from that of others.
Having these family members is more normal than we think. As Filipinos, we tend to shy away from talking about these things because it is not part of our culture and norm. We tend to sweep them under the rug or keep them in our dusty cabinets. We turn a blind eye too often that when someone is able to perfectly describe and capture the phenomenon, we are surprised. It is in our collective unconscious agreement to refuse to rock boats and spark confrontations. It is true, isn’t?
Filipinos love beating around the bush. We aren’t known to be outspoken when it comes to our truest feelings and emotions because of the concept of “hiya” or shame. We are also not comfortable with confrontation because we are afraid to offend or hurt our loved ones.
These issues then become family secrets. Family secrets tend to snowball and evolve to a bigger issue that is more challenging to handle. So we have to remind ourselves about how these things are affecting us and our families on a bigger scale. On my next post, I will be discussing four steps to address the issues that can arise from interacting with the personalities I mentioned above. Try your best to be proactive about these so as not to give rise to situations that further damage the members, the relationships, and the home family climate. – WITH PAU DE VERA