Learning to count your blessings in life can go a long way.
Christmas excites most children as their thoughts dance with the anticipation of unwrapping a new toy. Yet, it’s important for parents to teach them the value of appreciation no matter what the gift, and what it means to the person giving it.
ASKING FOR GIFTS
Nina Aseron, a mom of three, shares, “We tell our kids not to ask for anything unless their grandparents, titos or titas specifically ask them what they want. When they do, I tell them to give options.” They also help the kids write letters to Santa, making sure that they are reasonable, and suggesting options, which fall within the budget.
As parents, we’re not used to buying toys on a whim. Hence, gifts are a real treat. My son Inigo hints about the toys he fancies, saying, “Maybe on Christmas, this can be your gift for me.” I usually ask him why he likes that toy, and even how much it’s going to cost. As a counselor, I believe in the value of asking children about their feelings and insights. It becomes the springboard for a discussion of the gift’s value, the giver’s thoughtfulness, and the child’s appreciation, whether he is fond of the gift or not.
EXPECTING AND RECEIVING
Samantha Manuel always encourages her son Mico, 4, to thank God for what he has. She also explains to him in age-appropriate terms why he can’t always get what he wants, adding, “If there are things given to him that he cannot appreciate, we normally show him how it works … so he will learn to appreciate it later on.”
Josie Valencia, the Guidance Department Head of Assumption Antipolo, says, “Children should be taught that gifts are products of the kindness and love of people. And so they should look more at the giver than at the gift.” Given this notion, Valencia stresses, “It pays to be patient in explaining to young children the proper response to receiving gifts, especially when they get upset.” Prior to celebrations, she finds it helpful to share stories about gift-giving to young kids, and personal experiences and insights to elder children.
Before gatherings, parents need to pep-talk their kids about proper behavior. It’s best to discuss with them the do’s and dont’s, and give possible gift-giving scenarios to reflect on, which will help manage their expectations and lead to a better understanding of the essence of receiving gifts.
When children receive a gift they aren’t so fond of, they should still be grateful and respectful enough to express a heartfelt “thank you” to the giver. When this happened to Inigo, he whispered. “Mom, we can give this to my friend. He really likes this.” Valencia approves, saying, “If no one in the family has a use for the gift, they can be given to someone who can appreciate it more.”
GRATEFUL ACTS
Cousins Margaux Aseron , 6, and Bianca de Guzman, 7, express their gratitude by writing thank you notes, giving hugs, or saying, “Thank you, this is the best gift.”
Valencia notes: “Saying thank you verbally or through short notes or simple gifts in return should encouraged. Expressing gratitude through service should also be practiced.”
BEYOND GIFTS
A grateful heart is an attitude that should be nurtured in children as they grow older, not only during Christmas. It’s a long process, and there are no shortcuts. Valencia says gratitude should be one of the values taught and modeled by the parents to children. She shares these significant points:
- Be conscious of gift-giving practices. Children need to see the adults’ positive motives and choices in gift-giving. This will build kids’ appreciation of people giving them gifts.
- Note our own gift receiving responses and attitude. Kids pay attention to the reaction of their elders when they unwrap their own gifts, and this creates an impression on them.
- Focus on the giver and less on the gift. Talk to the kids about the person who gave the gift, especially your fondness for the giver. Also, ask children about their thoughts on the giver and reasons forthe gesture of giving.
- Let kids help in preparing gifts. Get them involved in planning, choosing, wrapping, and giving. This allows them to experience being the giver and enjoy the gift of giving.
- Refrain from using gifts as reward. While gifts are often used as tools to reinforce positive behavior, children should appreciate gifts, for their actual purpose—as expressions of love. Giving them rewards for a desired behavior creates the perception that they can demand for gifts upon completing their end of the deal.
Gifts should be seen for their real meaning. This instills in children a deeper sense of gratitude, helping them to not only appreciate material gifts, but to value the persons and relationships behind these gifts as well.
This first appeared in Moms Today November-December 2012, but has since been updated.