Jill, a first grader, lost her math notebook early this week. Later on, it was her new crayons that she misplaced. Next off, her wallet went mission, and so on and so forth. When her teacher would ask about her things, she would seem unaffected. No amount of reminders could prompt her to organize her belongings, so she always ends up misplacing her things.
While Jill’s situation is quite common, repeated instances may be rooted at home.
Here are five things parents can do to help their child take responsibility for his belongings.
#1 Help him remember
Some kids can be quire forgetful, and you could help them in the thought process. Ask your child: “When was the last time you used it?” “What did you do or where did you go after using it?”
This will usually help him remember, and teach him what to do the next time it happens.
#2 Check yourself
If your child is the least affected about losing his things habitually, try to look within. Could it be because this is how the entire family regards material things? Often, this kind of behavior is imbibed from the parents’ attitude. If so, then it’s time for a change of mindset. As the parent, you must show a good example.
As a school counselor, I have observed that a lot of the items in the lost-and-found counter remain unclaimed at the end of the school year. I’m guessing that parents simply replace the items lost by their children with new ones. While this solution is convenient, it does not teach children to be responsible for their things.
#3 Teach your child to be accountable
Jill’s mom packs her daughters school bag each night while the little one either plays or sleeps. In the morning, everything would be laid out for her with her school bag handed to her as she enters the school gate.
While parents only want to make things easier for their children, doing things for them is a lost opportunity to teach them how to be responsible. Train your child how to care for his belongings at home. Designate places at home for specific things like his toys, shoes, books, etc. Make him accountable for them. Let him know the consequences if he does not follow.
Give periodic reminders, but resist the urge to do things for him if he fails to remember. Organizing one’s belonging is a springboard for many life skills, from accountability to independence. Having a checklist will also teach kids to be organized and may lessen the chances of him losing his things.
#4 Teach logical consequences
Instead of replacing lost items, teach your child the concept of logical consequences. Let him experience that every action has a corresponding outcome. When he loses a toy or pencil, he needs to content with the old one. Replacement maybe an option but let him pay for the item by deducting it from his savings or allowance. This is also a good opportunity to teach him about money.
If your child misplaced a project, resist the urge to whip up a new one yourself. The best way to handle such a situation is by giving him another set of materials and staying up with him while he starts from scratch to meet the deadline. This gives your child an understanding of how it is to be responsible for one’s belonging.
Shielding your child from the consequences is but a short-term solution. What you really want is to help him develop independence and responsibility, important skills he will need in life.
This article has been updated; it first appeared in Smart Parenting, October 2011.