It is precisely the convenience that social media brings which affects child development, life skill building, and parent-child and family relationships.
When kids get bored, for instance, it’s the best time for them to create, read, and play. Going for gadgets when boredom strikes is merely addressing a whim, but not looking at how it affects the child. Babies are supposed to be growing, exploring, and using their hands and feet to learn through their senses and develop their motor skills. Mealtimes are supposed to be messy with time for laughter and conversation. When there’s a tablet on the table, however, there are hardly any opportunities for bonding.
Speaking of mealtimes, these are supposed to be sacred for families, a safe space for nurturing relationships and uplifting connections. But why are parents allowing gadgets on the table? Are conversations now only at the level of “pass the rice” and “ketchup please”? If you think your family spends too much time on social media rather, it’s time to think of new strategies to tune in to the real world.
What works in managing the family’s social media use? For starters, parents need to do their part. Parents just cannot give gadgets to their children, and then tell them to stop or let them figure out how to log in and log off the digital world. As Pope Francis said, “The wisdom of parents is to guide our children in the digital age.”
Parents need to be decisive, simplify matters, and teach children to be grateful for what they have. More importantly, kids need to realize that gadget use is a privilege. If kids feel gadget use is their right, then the seeds of entitlement are being planted. Yet right now, the seeds of their development as individuals – body, mind, emotions, and relationships, moral, and spiritual – are happening.
Between the influence of man-made gadgets and the values found in social media versus the role of parent and the values of family, I would choose to be a positive and mindful parent, and engage with my children as they grow in the digital age.
Here are some tips and strategies that well-meaning parents can do to guide their children in the digital age:
1 Be role models. Walk your talk. If you say no gadgets at the dining table, be sure it starts with you.
2 Understand the development and personality of your child. Children and teens have different needs; offer them only what are age- and developmentally-appropriate. Gauge how they are growing and evolving, as the content and exposure of children to social media vary greatly depending on their development.
3 Unplug and play. Real-life play is the most important psychological need of children and teens (even adults) that significantly affects their socio-emotional, physical, and mental well-being. These are active and creative, plus the fun is immeasurable. Given a choice between real life play and gadget play, choose real life. Balance giving them gadgets with more of real-life activities.
4 Teach kids to be “critical media literates.” Parents cannot shield digital natives from what social media and the wired world have to offer. In such cases, parents need to help them in honing their critical and logical thinking capacity.
5 Be clear on guidelines and limits. Social media and gadget management is all about parenting. If parents give their children gadget time, the corresponding responsibilities and expectations must be explained. If the children do not abide by the guidelines set, they must deal with the consequences.
The bottomline is that parents need to prioritize their relationships with their kids and teens. Parents need to be positive persons that children can relate with. They need to be present in their lives physically, emotionally, and maybe even virtually. Engage with them. Get to know their world. Gadgets cannot replace the role parents have in their children’s lives, and it should not be the other way around!
This article first appeared in Panorama, but has since been updated.