This year, I celebrate a milestone as I turn 40!
That magic year for adults is really something else. To celebrate life, family, and all that I learned, I put together “Grateful and Purposeful at 40” posts in my social media account. Each day until my birthday, I share one life value that I am thankful for — from the time that I am small up to my developing years, about marriage, and about the more important things in my life.
Amidst the posts that I share, there are bigger realizations in carrying a grateful heart. In family life, we are supremely grateful when things are going well our way. When we have financial blessings and accomplishments, when all members are healthy, when we get to travel, when we have all the positive things and emotions around us, it is easy to be grateful. But stress happens!
Gratefulness is that inner composure and mindset that there is a blessing beyond the burden, a message behind the mess, and we are too blessed to be stressed.
In trying to walk my talk, do what I write about, and live what I work on in family life, let me share with you some family hacks that kept me grateful, despite the fact that family, life, and parenting can be stressful.
LEARN THE ART OF LETTING GO
Do not sweat the small stuff. The serenity prayer says it all: “Grant to us the serenity of mind to accept that which cannot be changed; courage to change that which can be changed, and wisdom to know the one from the other.” There are some things in life — and people, too — that you cannot control and do anything about. And so, learn not to hold on, to be in the emotional tug of war with matters you need to release. When we learn to let go, we see things from another perspective and it becomes easier for us to appreciate the things, people, and even our undesirable circumstances.
BE HOPEFUL, THINGS HAPPEN FOR A REASON
My firstborn died of fetal anomalies. I had difficulty in conceiving and being pregnant. Our home got flooded by Ondoy and we lost almost everything — at the time I was about to give birth to my second. Then I took the leap of being a full-time mom to my two kids when they were little. We encountered financial challenges. My dad had cancer and eventually passed away. My husband suffered from severe eczema caused by an immune imbalance that would not heal through conventional means. We had marital issues affected by his (and maybe mine too) midlife transition. My daughter had behavioral concerns in school that I, being the guidance consultant, was called for a meeting by the directress. Whoa!
It was one after another while I was raising my two tots, starting to take on part-time projects. Yet they all happened for a reason. If I were asked if I would like to make things different, I’d say no, except for maybe having a healthier diet while I was pregnant.
I am thankful for experiencing those rock-bottom moments and all the stress those life circumstances brought to my family. All those made us — individually and as a family — stronger, more appreciative of the little things, and of course, more affirming of everyone in the family. While life happens, it brought out the best and even the strongest parts of us.
When things happen in your family that you cannot understand, be grateful because something is happening and you are growing!
BELIEVE THAT WHAT WE HAVE IS ALL GRACE
Knowing that all I have — my work, my family, and everything else — is pure grace, I give back the credit to our God, trusting that He will still grant me all these and more. Our life is really about responding to His grace and love, as we accomplish the purpose we are called to do in our life. Humbly recognizing that we are nothing without the Lord, who made us, is a key to being grateful!
Our preacher at The Feast said that if we keep looking at the closed doors in our life, we will miss out on the blessings in front of us. So true! If we keep complaining, comparing, and creating things that are not meant to be, then we fail to be thankful.
In all days, in all ways, thank the family you love — for both the simplest and the bigger things.
Thank your partner for the small favors he or she is giving you.
Thank your parents for raising you, no matter how unpleasant it might have been.
In all ways and always, be grateful!
Only then will you find inner peace, wisdom, and the gift of grace continuously unfolding in your life and family.
This originally appeared in Family Reborn, August 2017, but has since been updated.