In relationships, people need to be separate to grow together. Funny, right? It is so ironic! Allow me to challenge you with some reflection questions: Have you ever been in a relationship where it felt like you could no longer breathe? Have you ever felt trapped in your family life? Have you ever had an issue regarding space in either your romantic relationships or with your family members?
Do these situations point towards a problem in space or a the problem with the person? Is there too much space in the relationship or is there a feeling of suffocation because there is too little? We need to balance the “I” with the “we.”
What is wrong with too much separateness? Simple, we grow apart. It feels like we’re living with people we barely know. Too much space breeds miscommunication which stems from a lack of connection.
On the other hand, some families feel the need to be updated with every member’s activities. Personally, I do not subscribe to this since I’ve always considered myself as someone who has a life of her own.
Why is there a need for space? It’s not just about self-care. You need space to develop a relationship with yourself and to let you grow as an individual. You need space to retain your individuality. You need to be able to enjoy the peace and quiet which comes from being alone. You to be comfortable with your own thoughts. You need to be able to fill yourself without other people.
You should never surrender your identity in your quest for intimacy. A relationship allows for intimate connection without losing the self. If you have a relationship with yourself, it becomes easier to be in a relationship with others. You need to be able to build your identity to boost intimacy. Never forget that you have an inner life to nurture.
Being “the same” and holding the same views as other people is boring. When you’re thrilled that you and your partner share the same opinion about absolutely everything, you should ask yourself: Are you aligned or is one person deciding for both of you? Don’t worry about space ruining the relationship. Use time apart to nourish and recharge yourself. It is important to learn how to balance separateness with closeness, individuality with intimacy. – WITH PAU DE VERA
Photo by Harli Marten on Unsplash