Can you recall the woman that you were when you first became a mother? Who was she? What were her traits? What were her interests? What were your expectations when you became a mother? What emotions did you start feeling? Which emotions seemed new to you? How was your relationship with your spouse? Finally, is the woman you just described the same woman you are now?
I became a mother at 28. I had four difficult pregnancies; two were successful, and two angels we now have in heaven. While I am still the same Ichel on the outside, losing my firstborn Miguel and my third child Gabriel were life-changing. My inner self has completely shifted, bringing me to the word, matrescence, the developmental transition to motherhood.
My pregnancy was the beginning of my journey to motherhood. The experience of pregnancy is unique to each woman. But one truth that I believe stands as universal is that no woman comes fully prepared for motherhood. We make it up as we go along. There is no one-size-fits-all solution when it comes to motherhood. We are all different mothers with different personalities. We are all married to different spouses or living with different partners. We are also given different children. There truly is no one-size-fits-all in parenting.
When it comes to being a mother, you have to appreciate where you are this season. There was a time when I was a full-time employee. There was also a season when I was a full-time mother. During these shifts and stages, I loved my roles wholeheartedly.
Why is it important to understand the stages of motherhood? It is because each stage is different. Each stage has its fair share of challenges, changes, charm, and coping. Be gentle with yourself because at every stage, you are also evolving as a person and as a mother. And as we mature, we refine ourselves in the process. We may have had so many ideas, expectations, and “musts”, but wisdom and time teach us to take it easy, and to let go of the unnecessary.
So whatever stage you are in – whether you’re a new mom, a mom of toddlers, mom with growing kids, mom with grown-up kids, moms who are empty-nesters, embrace where you are in. Check in with yourself. Ask yourself: How am I amidst these changes? Accept each change as it comes. — WITH PAU DE VERA
Photo by Jon Flobrant on Unsplash