Do you sometimes feel like doing nothing?
A couple of months back, I felt like things weren’t going my way. I couldn’t focus. I lacked motivation. Some of the tasks I used to do with efficiency took too long to complete. So when I ticked off one item on my to-do list, I would give myself a big cheer.
I was feeling the blues and I couldn’t snap out of it, so I let myself be. I allowed it to happen. I didn’t fight the ennui. No judgement. No must’s. No should’s.
After yoga, mass, and quiet time, I lingered on my mat, doing nothing.
What I did was looked for the seed of joy each day, knowing that I needed to make sense of this somehow.
Did something bad happen? Was I grieving? Was I in pain? What could be dragging me to this state of feelings?
While I was fully aware of my struggles, I couldn’t make sense of everything. I may have the capacity to understand, but I didn’t have the ability to yank myself out of it. What I realized was that it was important that I respect where I am and accept my state.
Life happens, and I am not excused. While I may be more equipped to deal with such a state, it doesn’t mean I felt it any less. Staying strong and collected for great lengths of time can be tiring and exhausting too. A big issue need not happen for one to feel down in the dumps. At times, the collective burden of all these seemingly little things happening over a period of time may be too much to bear, throwing us off balance.
I was aware of where I was. I respected my state. I tried my best to support myself in small steps. I know I have the ability to move past my state, but things cannot be rushed.
In time, things got better, even if imperfect.
As Jesus said, “Pick up your mat and go!”
So off I went. I moved. I worked. Slowly. Imperfectly. Thoughtfully.
In time, I found my way.
By grace, God gives us a new breathe of purpose and life each day.
I can only fill from a cup full, so first, I let God refill me.