There is a lot of frustration from parents when it comes to dealing with their children. I will thus be sharing some tips which can hopefully help make things easier.
First, tell your children exactly what to do and when you need it done. Chores are sometimes left undone and tasks left unfinished in the absence of proper communication. Your children are probably not stubborn, they’re just more inclined to do things at their own pace and time. If you need something done immediately, let them know to leave less room for confusion.
Second, if they do not heed to your request, put an accompanying consequence – the common mistake is for parents to do what their children have failed to accomplish. They work on their unfinished tasks and clean up after their mess. Tough love should be given not because we want to be hard on them but because we love them and we want them to grow up disciplined and responsible. Choose not to do things that the kids can do themselves, especially if these things were assigned to them. Establish a clear set of rules and schedules but remember that it is crucial to lead by example.
Third, explain to your children why it is important to take part – let them know why they need to help out. Do this calmly, and never with an angry tone. Explain to them that taking part is showing love and cooperation for the family. If they see and understand the value of it, it would be easier for them to follow. Chores are no longer seen as chores but as acts of loving service. Be wary of your tone and manner of explanation. Always check, is it in the tone of compliance or conversation? Compliance is output-based. This main goal is to ask for something to be done because you have an end goal in mind. Conversation, on the other hand, puts comfort as the priority and has the relationship as an area of importance. It is allowing both
individuals in the relationship to gain something out of the request you have put forward.
Check your relationships, is it compliance-based or conversation-based? Are your relationships still growing or are they stagnating because you’ve been using other people for favors? When you make a request, make an effort to request lovingly. Converse before compliance.
Keep on conversing with your children and do not talk to them only when you need something from them. Choose to speak to them often, ask them how they are, get to know them, and make it a goal to build a relationship. Choose to have hearty ties over functional ones because in the long run, conversations are easier to have and relationships become easier to maintain because there are two people invested in it instead of only one. Converse, converse, converse because it is an essential component not only in parent-child relationships but in every kind that you keep. Remember that conversations bring about better connections in the family.