I’m a 10-year-old student. I’m confused and do not understand why my parents always want me to be at the top of my class. I don’t want to compete with my other classmates and I want to live a contented life. But I also love my parents and I don’t want them to feel bad about me. So now I’m trying to find a real reason to strive hard to be on top.
Please help me. I want to have the courage to obey my parents – and be happy, too. Thanks.
Jeanie
Dear Jeanie,
I acknowledge your need for help in your struggle to keep up with your parents’ expectations and, of course, doing what you feel is best for you.
Knowing how parents are, they do want what is best for their children. They want their kids to aim for excellence and use their God-given potentials to the fullest. Your parents’ way of motivating you to be ahead of your class may not be in tune with your ways or what you want for yourself. You are struggling inside to establish your own identity and live up to your own values and expectations of yourself. If you do not want to compete with your classmates, then remember that it is important to be aware of your strengths and capacities, and to push yourself to excel in your own terms. You do not have to compete with others to excel, but it is the task of every individual to use his skills to the fullest.
I do not know how you communicate and relate with your parents. But if possible, have the courage to speak with them so you can understand their reason for wanting you to excel. If matters are discussed openly, you may share with them your own difficulties and the effort you are putting in to do your best to meet their expectations. You may seek the help of your guidance counselor, a trusted adult teacher, or an adult family member to help you more on this matter.
I pray that you will be able to come up with a win-win solution so that they can accept your strengths and limitations, and you can do your best to excel without competing with anyone. Assure yourself that you are capable and that you can fully become the best you can be! May you be blessed with an open heart to work on what is best for you!
Love,
Ichel
This article first appeared in Kerygma November 2013, but has since been updated.