My youngest daughter informed me last week that her classmate took her pencil and hid it in her bag. Her classmate did this to her twice already, so she told her teacher that her classmate was bullying her. Her teacher just said that her classmate was not bullying her because she was not hurt physically. This reply surprised me.
I told my daughter and my other children that they should not allow anyone to bully them, as much as I do not want them to bully other children.
I took it upon myself, as a solo parent, to educate them to protect themselves because I cannot be with them 24/7. I need to work double time for all of us. I do not want to contradict what her teacher said, as she is supposed to be the person in authority inside her classroom. I just told my daughter, “Maybe she was not bullying you. She was perhaps just stealing,” although I was seething inside.
Did I do the right thing? How can I let the teacher know what bullying really is without jeopardizing my daughter’s relationship with her teacher?
Maria
Dear Maria,
Your concern is valid, considering that you want to protect the welfare of your child. I commend your efforts for arming your child with the necessary tools in dealing with other people.
To be honest, bullying is a very wide concept. Bullying is a repeated pattern of hurtful behavior, which intends to harm, to keep power. We tend to use it interchangeably with matters such as teasing, playful banter, taunting, and the like. When looking at bullying cases among children, we always need to consider the motive or intention of the offender before saying that it is bullying. This is an important factor in training the kids to understand the extent of bullying.
You are right in trying to arm your children to understand and relaying incidents of being offended. As a mom, it would also be good to get into your child’s world to understand if she knew the intention of the classmate and if she felt offended by it. Listen to what she says and refrain from giving your own reaction. This will be the key in processing the feelings she had about the matter.
Regarding your concern with the teacher, I acknowledge your dissatisfaction. I cannot judge if what you did is right, as this matter is personal to you. Yet this situation can be viewed from different perspectives. You are right in informing the teacher about the incident. Yet she may have her reasons for responses, which you are not satisfied about.
How can you teach her about bullying? Ask the counsel of the one above the teacher – either the coordinator or the principal. Try to understand the definition, programs and protocols of the school in handling bullying cases. This way, you will be more knowledgeable in matters that can help you empower your daughter in line with bullying concerns.
I hope that the Holy Spirit will guide you with wisdom and discernment in handling tricky issues such as this. Be more blessed as a solo mom!
Michele