Two magic questions in midlife are, “Do I have to go through midlife?” and “Does it have to be a crisis?” To answer, yes, everyone goes through midlife because it is a developmental phase in a person’s life. But no, it does not necessarily have to be a crisis. It can be meaningful and a beautiful journey. But what exactly happens if this coincides with motherhood?
There are many things that we need to balance and harmonize at this point. What are these?
BALANCE THE “I” AND “WE”
The older generation believes it necessary to put the needs of the family above the needs of the self. In reality though, we need to prioritize our needs as it will enable us to give more and serve more. As a homemaker, we shouldn’t give up everything for our family. The mindset should be “I have, they have” and “I recharge, they recharge.” Don’t leave yourself out of the equation. You deserve the same amount of love that you give.
BALANCE BEING AND DOING
We need to be able to find things that integrate the spirit and the body. This is very critical. As mothers, many of us feel that we are pulled in different directions. But sometimes, all we need to do is sit down and connect with our mind, spirit, and body.
BALANCE YOUR PURPOSE AND YOUR CHILDREN’S
Set your voice apart from your children’s. When it comes to major life decisions like choosing a college course, honor the individuality and uniqueness of your child. Midlife is also a re-evaluation of your purpose. This is why many women tend to pick up hobbies they loved from when they were younger and revisit them in their forties.
BALANCE THE OUTSIDE AND THE INSIDE
Filter the effect of the outside and check which of those resonate with your values, priorities, and personhood. Sometimes we have to give up standards and principles which are not anchored to our reality. If you seek validation and comparison from the outside like what other people say, or what social media dictates, it would be difficult to access the inside. It would be challenging to connect with inner wisdom. Our inner wisdom is unique and it shouldn’t be compared to anybody else’s.
BALANCE BEING A PARENT AND A SPOUSE
There is a big chance that your spouse is also going through some midlife issues. However, men and women tackle matters differently. Women reach out to their girl tribe whereas men retreat to their caves. Despite this difference, there will be a single truth in the end. One day, when the kids are old enough to move out, what would be left is your home and your spouse. If you don’t take care of your marriage, then what kind of relationship will you share with your spouse? So it is equally crucial to care for the relationship. – WITH PAU DE VERA
Photo by Mathilde Langevin on Unsplash