A lot of family problems arise when members don’t communicate well with one another. I would even say that families are shaped by the level of communication that we have.
Here are some tips that you may want to try and apply in your own family.
Start light. If you want to beef up your family conversations, you cannot always be too serious when talking with the people you love. Start with trivial matters. It does not need to be a one-time or two-time attempt to talk. The intent is there if you keep trying even if you do not get a response right away or you feel it is not what you expected. It needs effort and persistence.
Do not ask questions answerable by yes or no, yeah or nay, “oo” or “hindi!” If you want to get better answers, then ask better questions. Forget about “How was your day?” “How was school?” type of questions. Chances are, if you are just starting to have regular talks with them, you are getting in the flow of things. You may try, “What made you happy today?” or “Is there anything that upset you?” or “How would that situation make you feel?”
Keep from commenting. Talk with your mouth close and your ears open. Yes, that’s not an error! One of the biggest mistakes in communication is when you open your mouth right away, you give comments even if the other person is not asking for it. Some parents may find this difficult, but try to just listen. Listen with love. Listen with concern. Listen without judging. Then the people we love will speak if they know that we are a safe person to share their innermost thoughts, feelings, and struggles.
Good person-to-person and face-to-face talks and encounters strengthen the relationship. If they see you as a safe yet influential person, then your influence becomes stronger.
Talk to them, so they will comply later. If you want to be an influential person in the lives of the people you love, then talk sincerely with them. Good person-to-person and face-to-face talks and encounters strengthen the relationship. If they see you as a safe yet influential person, then your influence becomes stronger. So, in case you tend to lack influence as parents—as your kids might not be heeding your call—either they have their earphones on or you lack open conversations and loving connections with them.
Be real and be real time. The digital media is there to ease up communication. Yet nothing beats good coffee and tea with great conversations. “Kape tayo” moments mean being together, physically and emotionally. But “Viber tayo” moments are needed when you are apart and you just have to keep connected with your loved ones. Do not just be online all the time because you need to connect personally. But supplement real time with being real.
Know that in family life, there will be storms and stresses. And these loving conversations and thoughtful effort will be the details which will be ingrained in your family life fiber and save you from difficulties that may come. All these efforts at conversation will bring you not to “just cruising” mode, but will help make your relationship amazingly satisfying.
This article first appeared in Family Reborn, January 2018, but has since been updated.