My older sister is an achiever in school. She is also known as a community leader. When some of our friends introduce me to other people, they always say, “She’s the sister of …” It makes me feel that I don’t have my own identity and will never be recognized as I am. Though my sister is naturally kind and sweet, I started to resent her. My insecurity keeps growing each day. Even though I want us to become close, my jealousy eats me up. What should I do?
Miss Insecure
Dear Miss Insecure,
It is humble of you to acknowledge your insecurity towards your sister. Now that you are open and very much an adult, you cannot keep blaming your sister and other people for how they deal with each of you. The psychiatrist Victor Frank said, “When we are no longer able to change a situation, we are challenged to change ourselves.”
In life, we are given the power to choose. No matter what situation you may have had in the past, you can start packing pieces of your worth and put together the life God has designed for you. People may keep seeing you as your sister’s sister – let them. That’s a fact. But within you, you have to start accepting and affirming your worth, and take concrete actions to pull you through.
You can only boost your own worth first. Change your perception of yourself and believe that you are special. Second, accept that you are uniquely your own person, coupled with your own strengths and weaknesses. Third, remember that no one can make you feel inferior without your consent. The more you look at your sister and other people, the more they become your focus. You lose sight of your own beauty and worth. Instead of focusing on them, spend time to enrich and love yourself.
Lastly, be with people who are more understanding, helpful, and accepting of the stage you are in now. Seek a community affiliate with positive people, clean up your social media feeds, and link with those who boost your own sense of self. The Lord will be happy if you recognize yourself the way He sees you – beloved and beautiful.
Ichel