Steve Jobs said, “You cannot connect the dots looking forward. You can only connect them looking backwards.”
Remember those connect the dots puzzles? You have to follow the numbers to draw the picture. One of the techniques in accomplishing it is to look beyond the order of numbers and connect these backwards, so you can see the whole picture.
This holds true for our family life. I know that stage of yours, when you have a lot of questions about your family. Why do I need to do this? Why are they that way? Why do they keep making me do this? And more whys are asked along the way while growing up. It may be inconvenient for you, or it may be beyond your wishes, or you just follow for the sake of following.
You may not see things eye to eye with your family now. But you might want to consider that your parents actually mean well. Their ways may be different — and you may be more aware of the situation then — yet your goal is the same.
The first step to connecting the dots is to accept that the dots are placed on their spot and they cannot be moved. That is how your family is – they come as is. Once there is acceptance, there is no more resistance.
In the family, you cannot see the reason at that particular moment. The more you ask, the more you cannot cope with the situation. Learn whatever you can. These are the dots.
Someday, all these rules, values, and reminders that your parents and family press on you will make sense. These dots will make sense to you. You may not opt to connect them at all because you do not want to, but how will it make you who you are? Or you can choose to accept them as they come so you can connect the dots backwards. This will be your point of growth to become a better you.
This article originally appeared in Fish magazine Volume 16, but has since been updated.