Now that we’re safe kept inside our homes, some of us may experience feelings of discomfort, a certain uneasiness that comes from being around our family for prolonged periods. Perhaps it’s because we’re not used to the amount of time we spend around them, but it can also stem from something deeper, a realization that we were far too busy to sink our teeth in due to the busyness of our lives.
Do we truly know our family? Or are we strangers with comfortable day routines who happen to live under the same roof? Are we pretending to know each other simply because we share the same last name? How personal can you go with your family members? Is it possible to not know your own family?
Short answer: It is.
Try to see this time of uncertainty as a blessing. This is a time when you can truly ponder on your emotions – to sit with it so you can comprehend fully. Where is my irritation towards this family member rooted from? Why am I annoyed in the first place? What irks me about this family member? Why am I avoiding this person? There may be issues, problems, and all sorts of debilitating happenings that you may have swept under the rug. You’ve turned a blind eye on it for so long, that when its ghosts begin to haunt, you’re surprised it reveals unwanted feelings.
But you’re not in a hopeless situation. You have the option to let it go. Yes, there may be issues that may be too difficult to talk about but you can, at the very least, use this time to inspect and make sense of it so you can break free from its shackles.
Here are three tips, which all conveniently begin with S (to help with recall!), by which you can perform a family sanity check:
SIMPLIFY: This isn’t the time for excess or abundance. Go back to basics. Simplify your choices. Simplify your battles. Know which things are worthy of your time, and which you can shrug off. Let go, sometimes, it is the best route to choose. In terms of everything else, make the most of what you have and maximize, maximize, maximize.
SELF-CARE: This comes in two forms – the physical and the emotional. But before we get into business, how is your relationship with self-care? Boost your physical self-care. Don’t scrimp on self-care just because it’s something you have to do yourself! With some DIY and heaps of creativity, you’ll never know what kind of things you can cook up! Fun fact: Did you know you can mix olive oil and sugar to create a body scrub? Go ahead, explore! At least the two hours you used to spend being bummed about the traffic can now be an extra two hours of sleep. Don’t hang on too tight on your regular routines and instead create a new one that has self-care at the core. It just might be the re-energizing force you need. Self-care is your point of sanity. To be mindful of your emotional well-being is another form of self-care. You don’t have to step up to everything and take control. If you’re exhausted from the demands of the home or if you feel like your kid’s noise is drowning your sanity, pause, recognize, and honor your limit. If you see something you don’t like about a family member, sometimes it is best to let it be. Don’t go around trying to control everything, you are not God. You are human with limitations and boundaries.
SPIRITUAL: We are not alone. God is in control of everything. The verse, “Love your neighbor as yourself” from Mark 12:31 suggests that we should love ourselves the way God loves us. This is anchoring all that we say, think, and do in Him. The reason why we are so depleted and drained is that we are not moving with and for God. This calls for more than just praying; it is walking with God; it is turning every moment to a prayer. If we put simplification and self-care together and anchor these two areas to God, our way maker, then every moment becomes more fulfilling, more freeing, and more prayerful. How are you in these three aspects?
As Virginia Satir, my favorite family psychologist has reiterated, “Problems are not problems, coping is the problem.”
Quarantine is a season of purging, of losing what you don’t need and connecting yourself to the true essentials. – WITH PAU DE VERA