Have you ever encountered the term toxic positivity? How would you define it? Do you think it is disadvantageous or wrong to keep a positive mindset amidst dire circumstances? Is it wrong to have a “good vibes only” approach to life?
While it is good to be positive, take a look at the real situation. Recognize the troubles and the pain but strive to see the good side as well. Toxic positivity is choosing to stay happy, as if allergic to acknowledging negative emotions, for the sake of remaining in high spirits. In many cases, this goes hand in hand with hyper-spirituality. Some people would tell you to “just pray” and lift all your worries. They are quick to point out that other people may have been through worse and that the tough days will pass. Prayers are crucial and important, but hyper-spirituality is not healthy.
The problem begins when people refuse to look at the problem and cover it up with positivity. This is what makes it toxic. This is fake positivity. They deny the existence of negative emotions and refuse to deal with the problem.
God gave us varied emotions to grow from them. It is difficult to force yourself to be happy when you cannot relate it to your experience. It would be hard to move from one negative emotion to a more positive one if you have not fully processed the gravity of the experience. Emotions teach you to care for your inner needs. When you invalidate real emotions, you also invalidate a part of you because emotions are part of who you are.
Toxic positivity is also linked to feeling guilty about a feeling. In Filipino, this is manifested in words like, “Huwag kang masyadong masaya kasi baka bukas umiyak ka!” Don’t be guilty about your feelings because these can teach you about yourself.
People with toxic positivity cannot empathize with others. They cannot connect with on a deep emotional level.
Do a self-check. Listen to the emotional needs and stories of others before jumping into problem-solving mode. Before you offer any advice or solution, establish a connection. Acknowledge his emotions.
Toxic positivity can take the form of shaming other’s emotional experiences by pointing out others who have had it worse.
I believe that toxic relationships are also rooted in toxic positivity. Unfortunately, people who are toxic positive can be anyone – your family, your friends, even your partner. It can even be you.
If you catch yourself being toxic positive, strive to break the habit. Work towards promoting the culture of truth. Real positivity is not toxic. Real positivity is looking at the reality, dealing with the stress, dealing with the emotions, and remaining positive amidst it all. — WITH PAU DE VERA
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