When we connect to the people around us, we open the communication lines and this, in return, strengthens our relationships. It is not culturally acceptable for Filipinos to openly talk about how we feel in fear of offending and hurting those that we love. But in reality, keeping it in and hiding our emotions can result in more problems because we leave them unresolved. Keeping silent and living passively is an ineffective solution that is taken too often. Communication is the grease that soothes friction in relationships. So as to avoid friction, there should be continuous family communication.
While small talk is normal between family members and is a natural part of relationship dynamics, having only small is not beneficial because it doesn’t strengthen and deepen relationships. Small talk does not allow us to share about ourselves, to talk about who we are, how we feel, or what are insights are about a variety of matters. Small talk is normal but when it is the only thing that goes within a supposed close relationship, then there must be something wrong because indulging only in this does not foster meaningful relationships.
If you have kids and are wondering why they seem uncomfortable with the notion of opening up, then it is time to discern the way you’re reacting to or handling their opinion and innermost thoughts. When they share an opinion that does not seem to align with your own, how do you react? Is this something you listen to and try to understand from the lens of your child or are you quick to judge his sharing? Unfortunately, too often, judgment is the initial reaction. Hence, this discourages them from opening up.
If you see that your loved one is drifting from you, act upon it. Make an effort to get to know the other person and cultivate a relationship. A relationship is like a living organism and it takes time and effort for it to grow. Connecting with each other allows us to make a comfortable home life and a healthy home within.
I’ll quickly go through five practical tips on how you can connect with your loved ones meaningfully.
First, accept the situation, the differences, the issues, and all impediments in your relationship. Sometimes non-acceptance is what brings about issues so it is crucial to recognize it.
Secondly, be available. Don’t show them that you are too busy for them or not have time for them. Sometimes eye contact in itself, a small act, is already a grand gesture of connection. Non-verbal communication speaks a lot.
Thirdly, create connections. Make people feel that you are willing to be part of their lives. Make an effort to spend time with them.
Fourth, do not assume. Do not assume that you know the other person. Never assume about the other person.
Fifth, engage, and express. Show them that you care. Show your concern. Wear your heart on your sleeve.
Sixth and lastly, engage, and enjoy. Express your love often, express this verbally and non-verbally. Show people that you care. Back up your words with actions and do all these consistently. Always choose to make an effort. – WITH PAU DE VERA