When my husband was battling a health crisis which happened for three Christmas seasons in a row, I was also tested beyond my limits. I told myself that I needed an extra dose of self-care so as not to give up. These were the times when I felt that I had to be on top of everything — home management, my husband’s all-natural meals, the kids’ activities, and all the holiday happenings. I was aware of how important self-care was. Yet when these things happened at the same time, I felt so drained. Every time my husband would recover, I would have an emotional meltdown. With much thought and will, I would sit down with my husband and discuss our need for individual self-care to ensure our well-being.
If we truly love our family and each other, we have to ascertain that we do not run on an empty tank. The love we give should come from the love within (and God is there within). It should encompass the different areas of life — physical, mental, emotional, and spiritual.
Here are practical ways to do self-care:
#1 Care for your body. Choose a physical activity that works for you. Walk by yourself, do an exercise routine at home, take yoga or tai chi classes. Do something for your body and to clear your mind as well. Don’t join the bandwagon when choosing the type of physical activity you’d like to do. Choose what will give you a sense of being. The most critical yet most basic form of self-care is actually the hardest to keep up with: the right amount of sleep, a healthy diet, physical exercise. Doing all three constantly will work wonders for your body and well-being.
#2 Care for your needs. If you are at your wit’s end and there is much to do, each one being a priority, then take a step back. Slow down. If it’s not a matter of life or death, then let go for a while. Take 15 minutes on a couch or comfy chair, get that much needed extra long shower, have a haircut, or maybe treat yourself to a healthy snack before rushing to your errands.
#3 Care for your thoughts. This one is tricky. How can we really care for our thoughts? It is said that our thoughts become our destiny, and our well-being starts with a conscious awareness of what goes in our head. Who are you listening to? What are the recurring thoughts that get into your head? Are they healthy or not? Are they helpful? Are these giving you a sense of well-being and optimism? When we value caring for the self, we filter all those we hear, read, and allow to penetrate our brain. When you pause during mentally stressful times, listen to the sound of your breath, look up at the sky, stare at nature, or go for a good walk. These will help you clear your mind.
#4 Care for your heart. Have you ever experienced those times when your emotions cloud you? We have moments when our feelings overwhelm us and we want to break down. It’s OK. When we feel hurt or angry, it’s OK to respect our feelings. When we don’t want to socialize with anyone at some point, it’s OK.
Why am I saying these are all OK? What happened to being the bigger person? There is a thing called emotional boundaries. It’s protecting ourselves from further emotional burden. We need to respect our inner being when emotions and relationships are way too much to handle. When we feel angry or sad, we don’t need to feel guilty. It’s giving ourselves the space to bounce back. It’s unhealthy to allow our emotions to rule us. Caring for our heart is actually having healthy emotional boundaries, as we want to be well to be able to give more to our loved ones.
Second Timothy 1:7 says “For God did not give us a spirit of timidity, but of power and of love and calm and well-balanced mind and discipline and self-control.” You have to do it for yourself, and your dear self will thank you for it!
Let me end by stressing that our personal well-being leads to our relationship well-being. And isn’t that what life is about, being able to share the best of us for our family and others?
This article first appeared in Fish November 2018, but has since been updated.