I want to start this post by asking, how have you been towards yourself this past three days? Oftentimes, compassion is something that we extend towards other people. This is beautiful because it allows you to form warm and healthy relationships with others. But this ability to be compassionate is not only something you should extend outwards but inwards as well. It’s a way to extend consideration to your mind, body, and spirit.
If your body can talk to you about how you’ve been treating it, do you think it will be thankful for all the effort, love, and understanding that you’ve extended towards it? Or would it sound more like a cry for help because you’ve neglected it for so long?
Our culture encourages us to dedicate our energies to other people. And that’s okay. That’s another beautiful thing about being a Filipino. But giving should never be at the expense of yourself. You should not be cheating or taking advantage of yourself.
This reminds me of a quote that I liked from the book, “The Things You Can See When You Slow Down” by Haemin Sunim. He said, “When life disappoints, rest a moment.” It’s so simple but so powerful. We can also replace the word “disappoints” with “stresses.” Oh, another thing you can extract from the word stress is actually “rest”. It simply encourages you to let go and pause. Self-compassion is treating yourself in the same way you would a friend.
Here are some tips that may help:
Love yourself despite the imperfections. You are both your strengths and your weaknesses. Do you know why a lot of people like to show how strong they are? Do you know why some clamor for titles? Because there are people who have not yet fully accepted their limits and imperfections. They are not forgiving of themselves when they commit mistakes. When we have a mistake, we shouldn’t feel compelled to justify it. Instead, we can say, “Okay, I will learn from this.” We all have points of weaknesses that we can grow from. It’s not a curse. Thinking there is growth in our weak moments is choosing to be kind to ourselves. Choose not to talk to yourself in a demeaning manner.
Be eager in helping yourself the way you help other people. When you are down with a cold, how excited are you to take care of yourself? Do you still insist on working? It is important to recognize that part of being human is embracing all our facets. There should be no fear or shame in confronting our imperfections, issues, or limits. As hard as it is, life is best lived when we are being our authentic selves. The call of self-compassion is to allow ourselves to unfold into the real us so we can be kinder to ourselves.
Being self-compassionate is about soothing yourself. Allow yourself to grieve. Many people don’t want to cry because they don’t want to show their families they are not “strong.” They also don’t want people to see they are crumbling inside. Consider the difficulties you experience as your teachers. They can serve as tools to help us find and serve our purpose. Allow yourself to learn from these difficulties. There is no need to compare yourself to others or to see how your timeline is different from what others have. When I was younger, I heard that the only opinion that matters is the opinion of what God has of you.
Let go of the mindset that the world will stop without you. Another quote that I loved from Haemin Sunim’s book is, “Let go of the idea that your way is the only way, that you are the only one who can make it happen.” Why must we let go? Because if you are always anchoring your worth and your ways to the activities you are engaged in, to the things and people you are attached to, then we will never get self-compassion right. Always think: “The world will go around without me, let’s sit down and just sip tea.” It rhymes and it’s true. We’re only complicating our lives by thinking that the world depends on us. I find that self-compassion is the tool that allows us to grow despite difficulties.
Self-compassion is not about other people. It is about us. It is what enables us to have more to give. – WITH PAU DE VERA
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