Conflicts are part of relationships. What happens when you can sense conflict coming? Do you face and confront, or do you bolt in the other direction? What is your natural tendency?
Let’s break down some myths about relationship conflicts.
Myth # 1: If there are no misunderstandings or conflicts, then there is no problem.
The lack of conflict does not mean there is nothing to work on. There are simply people who refuse to confront problems. They deny the existence of conflict.
Myth #2: Conflicts in families must be kept secret.
There are some conflicts which could be kept between spouses. However, there are others which could influence the entire family system. The refusal to confront such a conflict is a poor attempt at saving face or in Filipino, para hindi mapahiya. This doesn’t solve the problem; it could even make it worse.
Myth #3: Apologies mark the end of the conversation.
An apology should not be the end-all and be-all of any conversation about conflicts. If the end goal is an apology, then issues would not be fully addressed. An apology will not magically make things better. Any apology comes with responsibility. Others merely apologize to keep the peace without any resolution to improve the relationship; that is not an apology. Addressing the issue may be difficult but it needs to happen for any relationship to grow.
Conflicts are inherent in relationships. While some unpleasant habits and behaviors could be accepted and tolerated, others need to be called out. Boundaries must be set.
Some sources of conflict include individual differences, a lack in humility, or a misunderstanding. If relationships are to be improved, these must be addressed. While conflicts would never be completely absent in relationships, couples must learn to agree to disagree and manage misunderstandings.
The best way to deal with conflict is not to flee or freeze, but to align. Alignment is confronting the issue in a healthy manner. When issues are confronted, the problem is managed, steering couples towards better relationships. Where there is healthy confrontation, there is healthy relations. Couples need to be comfortable in aligning and confronting so they can use conflict as a springboard for positive change.
Don’t sweat the small stuff, they day. To a certain extent, I agree. But oftentimes, small things can teach big lessons. If couples can manage small issues, then they are better prepared for the big ones. Small issues, after all, can lead to bigger problems.
Conflicts don’t usually begin with a big problem. They often begin in everyday exchanges. This is why expressing affection and constant communication are important in managing whatever happens in a relationship. – WITH PAU DE VERA
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