Human beings have a need for affection and belongingness. We belong in various circles, and the people we associate with can impact our life directly and deeply. Choosing a life partner is pivotal, and we need to make a good choice.
Here are some rules for relationships that you may want to think about:
1 CHOOSE WISELY
We can’t choose our family, but we must choose our life partner. Use your head (and okay, fine, maybe even a dash of heart) because choosing is not about feeling. I am always asked, “Doc, sa pagmamahal, ano ba dapat ang sundin, puso o utak?” Easy, it’s both! It is not wise for you to be fixated on mere attraction or kilig. Attraction is the beginning but character is everything. Don’t fall in love with just the feeling of being in love! When the state of being in love fades, what is left? Character is left. Before you reside in cloud 9, anchor yourself. Check the person’s values, intent, and consistency between words and actions. The stronger indicator of sincerity is not what is said but what is manifested. See the person in the “wild.” Check how he interacts with other individuals, in everyday situations, with key family members. Don’t get carried away with the “ligaw” stage. Check how he handles difficult emotions and situations.
2 KNOW EVERYTHING ABOUT HIM
Take your time in getting to know the person. It’s not something you can do overnight, it’s a process. Be acquainted with his culture. Take a look at how he grew up and the kind of environment, ideals, and attitudes he was raised in.
3 SEXUAL ATTRACTION DOES NOT EQUAL LOVE
Physical desire and attraction do not equate to love. Yes, sex is a natural part of a romantic relationship. However, it is not some sort of superglue that can keep a relationship. If you encounter a big roadblock in your relationship, sex may be able to assist in its resolution but it is not the answer. If sex is the only thing you’ll be zeroing in on, how will you focus on matters like communication, shared interests, understanding each other’s coping mechanisms, deepening values? Love and sex cannot be equated because they are not equivalent.
4 KNOW YOUR NEEDS AND EXPRESS THEM
I feel that this is a problem for many people. They don’t know how to express their needs and this pushes them to have feelings of being on the losing end. Asserting yourself is a very critical thing in a relationship.
5 RESPECT IS CRITICAL
This is not automatically given. This should be treasured and cherished because once it is gone, the relationship can fall apart.
6 ALWAYS KEEP IN MIND THAT YOU ARE A TEAM
Be each other’s cheerleader. Help each other to be better. Do not bash or pull each other down. When issues arise, talk it out. Don’t leave your partner in the dark by allowing him to be the last to know. Relationships mean weathering life’s challenges together. Stand together.
7 MANAGE DIFFERENCES
Do not despise the difference. Sometimes we just have to understand where the difference is coming from so we can accept its existence. Do not allow differences to be the source of frustration. Rather, turn it into a source of inspiration so you can allow it to help you give your best in the relationship.
8 ASK DIRECTLY
Do not assume. Like I said in previous posts, assuming only makes “an ass of you and me.” Strive to communicate healthily.
9 WORK ON PROBLEMS AS THEY COME
Do not deny. There will always be challenges in a relationship. Problems will always be present, but it is crucial to resolve them and nip them in the bud. Manage and resolve any issue before it snowballs into something more grave.
10 LISTEN
This opens empathy. This improves our ability to listen to the other person. Sometimes, when our partner opens up, he’s not waiting for us to react. He just needs someone to listen to him. When we listen, we make the other person feel supported. When we can share what we truly feel, communication becomes a deep person-to-person communion. This is connecting not only on the physical or mental level but it is the connection between two beings. Listening is an art. No matter what is in your head, hold back and try to tune in to the person in front of you. When we know how to listen, we learn how to embrace vulnerability. We become our true selves. Listen with not only what you hear but also choose to listen with your heart. – WITH PAU DE VERA
Photo by Pablo Heimplatz on Unsplash